The Mother in Law- some can't live with them and some definitely can live without...

I recently had a friend of mine share a story with me about her mother in law and I just had to share it. I know...I know, automatically all of you are moaning; half because you can sympathize and the other half  because you're heart goes out.

Why is this?

Well, sadly it's because half of us do not get along with our mother in laws. It's true...we don't. This is why we hear a lot of those mother in law stories.  But first I want to say not all mother in laws are awful. I know quite a few  who have a great relationship with their mother in law.

So what's this story A.D.?

Well, it's not an endearing one, but nor is it that awful. Well....it is a little because two people got hurt in this little story. The daughter in law and the mother in law.

Ok, now your thinking...just tell the story A.D. and then explain how both got hurt afterwards! Gosh...sheesh!

Ok...ok... here it is...

Once upon a time there was a gal named Susanne, let's call her Susanne (I'm not giving real names, that would be wrong) who  had a mother in law she loved, but didn't like.

 Wait...how can you love someone and not like them at the same time?

You can, it is possible.

You can love a person because as a whole they are a good person. You've seen it, if only those few times. You love them, you just don't like them because most of the time that person isn't so...good. They are insecure, angry, mean, bitter and sometimes vindictive...so you don't like them.

Back on track now...

So... Susanne loved her mother in law very much, but she just didn't like how she was to others; especially to her. Somehow it was really easy for her mother in law to be mean to her. Susanne would look deep into herself many of times asking what is she doing wrong. What is she saying wrong?  Is she  just being a little too sensitive?

Well one day, after ten years, yep ten years (so you can't say she didn't try) Susanne woke up and realized there was nothing wrong with her. Nothing at all. She wasn't perfect, but there was nothing wrong enough to get treated the ways she was. The problem was her mother in law.

Walking on eggshells, turning the other cheek, playing dumb hadn't helped things once, not once and it never would. Only Jackie could fix the problem between the two, not Susanne (we're calling mother in law that...pretty name). The problem was Jackie and the problem she had with Susanne. Whatever it was, it wouldn't go away until Jackie chose to let it. Jackie had to realize that Susanne wasn't her enemy and really look into herself and ask "what is it really that bugs you about Susanne?"

So that one day, Susanne had had enough. She wrote an email (cowardly...maybe, smart...definitely) telling her mother in law, she needed to stop (that's the short version, there's more to it, but that's really the jest of it and that is all that is needed to know).

She was tired of the bitter words, the knives that had permanently taken residence in her back and she was tired of watching others receive the same treatment. Susanne had children and as their mother, she needed to protect them or in this case, keep away an unhealthy influence in their life.

These bitter words, incidents had sometimes happened around the kids. This wasn't healthy and this wasn't the greatest example. What message was being sent? If Susanne allowed her mother in law to mistreat her then why shouldn't her children treat her the same way? Or worse...why should they stop another from mistreating them?

So five years go by...yep sadly five years (She did send Christmas card every year) and birthday cards suddenly start to arrive for the family. Susanne thought this was a nice gesture, but this didn't mean everything was going to automatically go back to the way they were before. A trust was lost. It's so easy to lose trust and so hard to gain it back. There is also a small back story.

Real quick...here it is...

Two years prior Susanne's mother in law had made quite a spectacle of herself to other family members and resulted in causing a rift. Susanne had stayed out of it, avoided it because this was how it almost always was. There was always a rift and always a spectacle and sometimes Susanne had been apart of it too. She wouldn't now. See Susanne grew up. She learned that fighting amongst family is pointless and wasteful. It is also very hurtful. No one really ever wins.

Why is it that others want to hurt others so much and why do others allow those others to hurt them?


I don't know?
 I believe us as human beings should be better than that. Are we not the walking image of God? Isn't he a good person? So shouldn't we be and always strive to be? You know, follow that good example.

So Susanne strives to do just that. Be the better person, but also not allow anyone to mistreat her. She does this with everyone. Tactfully...there's no boxing gloves guys...

Back to those cards...

So, one by one those cards arrive, nice, cute, pretty cards with nice words and a thoughtful gift card included. Surprisingly even a card arrives for Susanne (no gift card, not that it was expected). Susanne's starting to think Jackie's  turning over a new leaf. The good Jackie is coming out again and to her! That is so great! Susanne's husband's birthday arrives... and no card shows up. Not before or on his birthday.

Oh my! Susanne is worried now.  she thinking "Oh no, no Jackie please no...this was supposed to be turning over a new leaf! A nice Jackie, not one that would be bitter or spiteful or vindictive as to hurtfully not send her son a card!"  ( Jackie had been angry at both Susanne and her hubby when Susanne had taken the stand. Susanne's hubby had stood with her.)

So here is Susanne worried that Jackie is acting just like she always had and was doing it to her son. It was heart breaking.
But guess what! The following day a birthday card arrived for him. Hey! There is nothing wrong with being a day late!
"Yeppie!" Susanne thought. "This is great..."

Later when the birthday card was opened; a nice card with nice words and a nice gift card included....Susanne was happy...all was well...

Wait! What? A gift card?!

Susanne's heart dropped.
A gift card had been included in her husband's card and every child and not hers.
Susanne had to laugh. Same ol' Jackie. A very clever Jackie.
Nothing had changed. Five years later and the same hurtful mother in law was at it again.
After five years of no son, no daughter in law (probably cool with that) and no grandchildren because of that behavior, what did Jackie do.

Jackie sent birthday cards just to hurt her daughter in law. Susanne weighed the possibilities, other reasons, other ways to look at it.

She came up with two:
1. Jackie went out of her way to send these cards, to remember every birthday,to make sure everyone got their card, even her daughter in law, just so in the end, the patiently awaited long end, her daughter in law would see a gift card was purposely withheld from hers and get hurt and Jackie would get her jab.

or...

2. There really is no other reason, it was just mean and uncalled for either way...any way.

 It really does looks bad any which way you look at it and by doing that, any chance of a reconciliation just went out the window.  Whether Jackie put a little or a lot of effort into this, she did it to get her jab. And guess what?

This is where that part comes into play when I said both got hurt in this.

See, Susanne got jabbed. It did hurt her a little to think her mother in law  went to any trouble to do such a thing. It was purposeful and intended to hurt. Five years had past... of no talking to her, no looking at her, no bothering or anything... and nothing had changed. Jackie still wanted to hurt Susanne.  And yet Jackie couldn't understand then or even now why Susanne wanted and continued to  keep her away from her family (at least the kids, hubby's a grown man).

Go figure?

So Jackie got her jab. She hurt Susanne, but Susanne got over it. It wasn't really all that surprising to her and alas, sadly nothing new. Right? Jackie however got hurt the most out of this. Jackie hurt herself more than she hurt Susanne.  She lost that chance of reconciliation and she sent herself right back to those five years ago.
All for a jab.

It's a sad, heartbreaking story, especially to Susanne (I know this because she told me). She isn't the bad guy and really does love her mother in law. She just doesn't like the way Jackie is to her family, her friends and especially her... She also doesn't want it rolling into affecting her children or them to see it.


No grandparent should look bad to their grandchild. So the cards are nicely opened and read. The gift cards are happily spent and a loving thanks in their hearts to their grandparents.



May all you daughters who have amazing mother in laws appreciate them more.
  
May all you daughters who have mother in laws who treat them like Susanne, remind yourselves you do love her and over all she is a good person...but it also doesn't mean you have to take it :0) Be kind and tactful though...

To all mother in laws...appreciate your daughter in laws. Some daughter in laws are just as bad as those mother in laws, but not all of them are.

As for my own mother in law...I love her.

Thanks for dropping by!

Author Spotlight- Yvonne Mikell- Author of Getting Roosevelt- A Homeowner's Nightmare



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I would like to introduce to you author Yvonne Mitchell and her book Getting Roosevelt- A Homeowner's Nightmare... a big thanks to Yvonne for allowing me to spotlight her lovely self on my blog. It's been great getting to know her and now you can!


Book Description:

This story has two protagonist, the first is mentioned in the very beginning of the story.
in 2005, Kathryn Rupurtus is an elderly lady convinced to vacation on the island of Nevis. Her companion is Jonathan Smith, a young man who is the son of her recently deceased companion Frederick. Jonathan was the estranged son of Frederick, arriving in town shortly after his father's death. Kathryn extended her Quaker hospitality to Jonathan even though Frederick never mentioned having a son. As a token of thanks, Jonathan arranges to give Kathryn updated kitchen and bathrooms. Kathryn goes to Nevis, but suddenly feels uneasy. Jonathan has her right where he wants her, thus his plan proceeds on schedule.

Fast forward to 2007, and the introduction of the second protagonist Elizabeth Samms. Kathryn's house is being shown by realtor Shelly Yanoff. Elizabeth always dreamed of living in the house and finally has her chance. She signs the rental lease/intent to purchase papers, leaves a hefty down payment and moves in. Gordon Roosevelt, the owner is having second thoughts about selling the house and asks his handyman Donovan Smith to investigate the Samms family. Although Donovan doesn't really have anything negative to report, Gordon abruptly changes his mind and begins a campaign of harrassment. His sole intention is to get rid of the Samms family AND keep the down payment. Everything the Samms family does results in breaking a clause of the rental lease.

All the while a stranger happens upon the scene, with claims to the house. Thelma Ribeaux is Kathryn's sister. She screams theft to Elizabeth, who brushes the accusations aside so sure that her purchase of the house is legitimate. Both ladies tell ther story to the Lieutennant at their local precinct. He determines that Elizabeth has the right to stay in the house, but he promptly launches an investigation into the disappearance of Kathryn.

Spend the rest of the book delving into the characters and their motives, learn what happened to Kathryn, and see if Elizabeth will suffer the same fate!

1. Where do you call home?
 Philadelphia is where I call home.
2.What is the title of your most recent book?
 Getting Roosevelt—a homeowner’s nightmare is the title of my recent book.
3. What's your Genre?
 My favorite genre is suspense/thriller.

4. Plans for a next book? Is this part of a Series?
 I have three other books completed, but need to be edited. They are not part of a series.
5.Are you a self published author (Indie) ?
 I am an Independent author, don’t like sitting around waiting for the powers that be to make a decision.

6.Who's your favorite author?
My favorite author is James Patterson.
7.Your favorite book?
 My favorite book is the Holy Bible. It is never outdated. -I like that!
8.What book are you currently reading?
 I was in the middle of reading The Summons by John Grisham.
9. A book you would recommend?
 James Patterson, Tom Clancy, and Robert Ludlum always put out a good book.

10. How do you pick your books?
 I pick out my books based on the way the first two pages read. If it has a good voice, then I know it’s worth my while.
11. Advice for other authors?
 My advice to authors, especially new authors, is not let your confidence waver. If you have gotten good responses from co-workers and teachers in writing workshops, then you should pursue your dream.
12. Do you write under a pen name?
 I sort of write under a pen name. When I first started I was still married; now that I’m divorced I’ve chosen my married name. My freelance columns still bear my married names.

13. Where do you write?
 I like to write at my dining room table. I have a huge picture window with plenty of sunlight shining in.
14. What do you wear when you write?
 When I get up in the morning I tend to get dressed for the day. If I don’t have any appointments schedule, then I’m dressed in stretch pants and a tee shirt.
15. Do you have a pet (s)?
 No, I don’t have time for pets.

16. Favorite food?
 I don’t have any particular favorite food anymore because I tend to sample foods from all cultures.
17. If you were deserted on an island, who are 3 famous people you would want with you?
 If I was deserted on an island I would want Barack Obama—minus Michelle, Eddie Murphy to make me laugh, and Anderson Cooper for serious worldly conversation.

18. Of your characters, which one would you say is most like you and why?
 Elizabeth is most like me because she is undergoing my own life experiences. I wanted to tell people what life is like with a difficult child whom I did not know was autistic.
19. What made you want to be a writer?
 God sat me down. He took away my job, my health was in jeopardy, and my child was cycling out of control. It was during this time that I began to write. If he had not done that, I would be a registered nurse.

20. Any weird talent?
 Communication is my weird talent, considering the fact that I used to be quite an introvert.
21. One thing you never go without?
 Pepsi-cola is one thing I can never go without. Believe me I have tried, and found myself experiencing withdrawal symptoms.
22. A great blog you would like to recommend for others to discover? My blog is a great blog, if I must say so myself. Not only will you find content related to my book, but articles from my freelance gig; and they have nothing to do with my book!

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Yvonne's Amazon page

Thanks again Yvonne, it was a pleasure having you on and thanks to all who drop by to get to know her!

Author Spotlight- Sci fi Author Ioana Visan- Human Instincts



Click on book cover to go to Amazon page.

Book Description:

Dr. Deanna Nichols is a geneticist searching for a cure to save the world. After the war nearly destroyed it by releasing an aggressive virus, it was the vaccine that killed the humanity’s chances for progress and survival. Deanna feels guilty because she has participated in creating the vaccine, and General Mackenzie never lets her forget that.

Their luck changes when they are contacted by the convicts held in a secret military prison hidden in the arctic desert. The C deviance criminals are willing to negotiate and provide unaffected DNA samples in exchange for supplies and a visit paid by the doctor herself. Suddenly there’s hope, so Deanna embarks on a dangerous journey to a grittier reality than she had expected.

Could a woman alone save the world?

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The lovely Ioana Visan.

1. Where do you call home?
Iasi, Romania.
2. What is the title of your most recent book?
Human Instincts is my first novella in English.
3. What's your Genre?
Mainly science fiction with a bit of fantasy here and there.
4. Plans for a next book? Is this part of a Series?
No, it's not a series. Next to be published is a vampire novella or a were-creatures story collection, depending on which one is ready first.

5. Are you a self published author (Indie) ?
As of last week, I'm both a traditionally published and self published author.
6. Who's your favorite author?
This is the type of question I can never answer. There are too many good authors out there to list them all.
7. Your favorite book?
Dune by Frank Herbert. It's probably not the best book I've ever read, but it's the one that first comes to mind when I hear this question.

8. What book are you currently reading?
The Last Argument of the Kings by Joe Abercrombie, third book from The First Law trilogy.
9. A book you would recommend?
Mine? :)
10. How do you pick your books?
By description and reviews made by the people I know or trust. I got burned too many times because of the titles and covers.

11. Advice for other authors?
As long as you're enjoying it, keep writing.
12. Do you write under a pen name?
No, I didn't feel the need for one.
13. Where do you write?
At my desk, in front of an obscenely large window.

14. What do you wear when you write?
The clothes du jour. I don't dress for writing in particular, I dress for myself.
15. Do you have a pet (s)?
Yes, a cat. My second job is that of cat-warmer during the cold days.
16. Favorite food?
Ice cream, chocolate, potatoes, pork, not necessarily in this order and preferably not together. :P

17. If you were deserted on an island, who are 3 famous people you would want with you?
Oh, please, spare me of famous people! I'll take a cook, a maid and a carpenter.- Clever!
18. Of your characters, which one would you say is most like you and why?
The one character I initially modeled after me ended up being nothing like me so

19. What made you want to be a writer?
Definitely the fame and fortune. I guess it was the wish to share with others the worlds I saw in my head.
20. Any weird talent?
No, but if it's weird then it's not really a talent, is it? - good point!
21. A favorite quote?
Live a long and happy life. I'm not sure it's a quote, but it's a nice motto to live by.
22. What is the one thing you never go without?
Air? I'm not picky.
23. Your biggest influence?
The sci fi classics I read as a child.

24. Favorite TV show?
House M.D. for character study, The Vampire Diaries for plot twists, Supernatural for hot guys.
25. A great blog you would like to recommend for others to discover?http://darkwolfsfantasyreviews.blogspot.com



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Thanks again Ioana for allowing me to spotlight you on my blog. I loved getting to know you and loved your answers! Thanks to all my followers and new drop bys for dropping in and getting to know Ioana and about her book as well:0)

Author Spotlight DebbiAnne DeRose- author of What I Did On My Midlife Crisis Vacation

I would like to introduce to you the lovely author Debbianne DeRose. Author of What I Did On My Midlife Crisis Vacation. I first want to thank Debbianne for allowing me to spotlight her on my blog and to thank her for her neverending patience. I've recently had some tough family health/loss turn of events and Debbianna has had to wait a bit for her spotlight. Well, here she is and she sounds wonderful! I stole her lovely pic from her author central page, love it! Debbianne's great personality just shines out of that picture!

I am also adding her book to my To-Read list on Goodreads. From the book description, I'm gonna love reading this book! Stay tuned, Debbianne 's book will be in one of my upcoming giveaways! Click on the word giveaways at the top and go check out the blog giveaway hops I am participating in and calendar them in to look out for Debbianne's and see the other great reads I'm giving away!

Book Description:

This saucy memoir is the oh-so-honest and humorous account of the author’s personal journey through a string of compelling adventures and ideologies of the woo-woo kind. Her story begins with confusion and discontentment that catalyzes bold life changes and sends her roaming in search of magic, miracles, and a deeper grasp of the metaphysical nature of reality. In a unique style akin to confessional reporting, she shares with you her keen insights into human behavior as you meet a plethora of colorful characters and occasional charlatans. With some good belly laughs, she effectively sorts out the wheat from the chaff---both within herself and the New Age world she’s romping in. It becomes an inadvertent healing pilgrimage full of expansive revelations, and through the process of en-lightening up she emerges clear-headed and self-empowered with inspiration to spare.

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1. Where do you call home?
Currently, its the Bay Area (San Francisco).  But its been a lot of places over the years---Ive got gypsy blood in my veins.
2. What is the title of your most recent book? What I Did On My Midlife Crisis Vacation, which is a true tale of woo-woo (that is, metaphysical, spiritual, paranormal, New Agey) pursuits and honest introspection.
3. What's your Genre? Confessional reporting.  My book is a Memoir, but it might also be filed under Humor or slice of life.  No matter how you slice it though, its definitely non-fiction.

4. Plans for a next book?  Is this part of series? Yes!  Im currently working on How I Met the Man of My Dreams:  Reflections on the MANifestation Process, which will be released in late 2012.  Its kind of a sequel because I met the man of my dreams just as I was finishing What I Did On My Midlife Crisis Vacation.  My friends asked if I would be adding the love story onto the end, but I decided against it.  I like how it resolves on a strong-single-woman note rather than a convenient Harlequin-esque ending---that would have made it seem formulaic with regard to Eat Pray Love.  So instead, the new book sort of picks up where it left off.  The point I'm making is that once I decided to be genuinely happy and okay with being single, thats when Love walked right in, and its no mere coincidence or luck---its part of a MANifestation formula.  Im reverse-engineering the process and laying out the steps to inspire the single sisterhood out there.

5 Are you a self published author (Indie)?   Yes and no.  I have created a nano-publishing house that publishes my books.  But its pretty dang indie in the big scheme of things.

6. Who's your favorite author? Hard to choose, but Ill say Erma Bombeck.  She was pretty dang funny and quite bold for her time and place.

7. Your favorite book? Hmmm thats nearly impossible to answer; like a favorite song, it cant be narrowed down to just one.  Or even one hundred.What book are you currently reading?I usually read several at a time.  Lets see whats in the stack its Unbinding the Heart: A Dose of Greek Wisdom, Generosity, and Unconditional Love by Agapi Stassinopoulos from Hay House.
8.  A book you would recommend? So many!  Depends on what youre into.  But Ill just say this: if you happen to be curious about Out-of-Body Experience (or astral projection as they used to call it back in the hippie era), definitely read William Buhlmans Adventures Out of the Body.  And Robert Monroes books are wild and wonderful too.

9. How do you pick your books? Oh, its more like they pick me.  You know that old adage, when the student is ready, the teacher will come?  Its like that.  Sometimes they literally jump down off a shelf, and other times Ill have it come at me three different ways from friends or websites or something.  I read mostly non-fiction, but every once in a blue moon someone convinces me to a read a fictional work.
10. Advice for other authors? Be true to yourself.  The world is a big mirror, so if you truly love yourself and whatever it is that youre doing, others will automatically like you and it too.  Not everyone will, sure, but the percentage of negative feedback is there to show you whats going on within yourself in terms of love and approval.  Its constantly changing.  Dont get upset about criticism; use it as your gauge and motivation to accept yourself even more.

11. Do you write under a pen name? Nope.  Once upon a time, the idea appealed to me, but Ive since come out of the creative closet and learned to embrace my dangerous writing.

12. Where do you write? I scribble in tiny notebooks during events when inspired, then get busy transcribing and editing on the computer in my cozy woman-cave womb-room.
13. What do you wear when you write? Ha!  Fun question.  What are you wearing? says the sultry  voice on the phone.  Well, I recently adopted Steve Martins tried-and-true method of putting a piece of baloney in each shoe---that way I feel funny while Im working.
14. Do you have a pet (s)? Do sea monkeys count?  Actually I love cats and dogs but I usually just borrow my kitty-lovin from the neighbors.  Its easier that way for traveling.  And thats the way I like to enjoy children too---as somebody elses responsibility.

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Thanks again Debbianne and thanks for dropping in!